never does

I cropped my siblings out of this picture. Isn't that just the sort of thing a 'youngest' would do?
I must be barely four in this one. Barely four and finding life rather heavy going. Couldn't anyone see that I needed a nap for goodness sake. Or a snack. Or a hug. Sheesh. Look at that little face. Zero spark of joy.
I love that my feet barely reach the floor.
And that I am wearing leather shoes with buckles and little holes punched in a design that I could likely still draw.
And leotards.
Saggy leotards as almost all tights are at some point in the day.
They act as a sort of barometer of mood.
My plaid skirt was a nod to my Celtic last name. Might even have been the right colors.
My hair was swept to the side and clipped with a metal hair clip that looked like a bow. It seems to me that I just had the one clip from birth to grade six when I seized control of my own destiny briefly and parted my hair in the middle.
Dear little girl.
I must tell you that my sister who was sitting beside me, whom I so ruthlessly cropped out, was smiling. And not just any smile. A perfectly joyous, happy smile.
It just didn't seem right.
So now I am all alone.
But it hasn't made me any happier.
Never does.